February 10th, 2008
I write letters in bad surzhik to Natasha and then never send them. I think about calling but it's always 8 hours ahead. I wonder how anyone ever called me.
I don't miss feeling paranoid that someone is following me home. I don't miss wearing five layers inside my apartment to keep warm, or being force fed strange meats. I don't miss my job or having to dress up every day. I don't miss trains, or train bathrooms.
I miss the atmosphere. I miss my friends. Even the ones that made me crazy at the time.
I talked to my second cousin today for half an hour. He takes his produce to the farmers market every week. People actually ask him if he glues the corn on those sticks for a reason. It's corn, it grows on cobs. How disconnected do you have to be to not know where corn comes from?
But I love america, and not just the political changes happening or the ideals that I share with a large swath of society, or even the English that is everywhere and all the time. I love grilled cheese on soft wheat bread and lettuce all year long.I love that most people aren't looking for what they can get out of me. I love 59 degrees in the middle of February.
But it's still hard to relate when everything people are concerned about seems so trivial in comparison to the daily lives of the people I was close to while I was 'gone'. And all my acquaintances and family friends seem to think I was on some sort of extended vacation or touring the world for fun.
I am so thankful for my friends because they are for the most part talented and amazing forces for good. Life isn't a balance sheet or a scoreboard, but I am totally winning this one, if only because I know that.
- Mood:
calm
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adri_nwnderland- adri_nwnderland